Escitalopram

Got prescribed my happy pills back in May 2017. Had about four left over, I really did not like taking them.

Here I am on Feb 1, 2018 trying them again. Here is to hoping they actually work this time. Just called and asked for a refill haha we will see. 

Also attempted to call my parents and tell them what's going on with me, they both did not answer. Pretty sure that they are both on vacation right now. I have been seriously considering deffering grad school for a year. Traveling and taking some time for myself — this summer might be enough though I do not know. Shit is not good right now. Hopefully the pills help me. 

I do have one friend who graduated last year that has really been there for me, always asking how I am and she lives an hour out. Lets call her Amber. She works with special needs adults and is really understanding and has really been through some shit just like I have. She is probably coming up tonight to check on me, she is really a good friend. I need those right now.

— XX RumpleRachel

screw my roommates

honestly — all my damn roommates went out to sushi without me... even with the one that none of us likes ... and then I come home from work and theres so many people at my house. I fucking have class in the morning and I had an online exam. I left. 

and I hate that my roommate (fake name) miranda has been hanging out with all my friends. like all my freshman year friends or people she would have never met without me. they want to spend time with her and not with me and she's a fucking self conceded rich bitch who always makes these dumbass comments like "oh these were 500 dollars" blah blah blah good luck working for anything in your life. 

I still hate everything and I think I am depressed right now, I do not like catching myself being happy at all. or being around anyone. fUcK mY dUmBaSs RoOmAtEs

— XX RumpleRachel

JMU - I hate myself

So like I said in my last post.. 

JMU grad school is in Italy (coolest fucking opportunity) and it is probably my top choice.....BUUUUT I have been putting it off :( I just looked at my deadlines and the fucking deadline is tomorrow — why did I do this to myself???

Quickly was able to pull some essays out of my ass for my app (need 3), they actually are not awful (one is about language proficiency and I do not really have any so that one really is not that great) but yeah its 2:30AM, will I ever sleep? probably not ;) god bless adderal. 

Also have HW due tomorrow by 10pm, online test due on Friday and a fuck ton of homework due on Friday. 

KILL ME

Stay tuned kids.

— XX RumpleRachel

Graduate Schools

Here are the graduate schools I applied to (in no particular order):

  1. Boston University 
  2. Boston College
  3. Colorado State University
  4. University of California — Riverside
  5. Northeastern
  6. University of Colorado — Denver
  7. George Washington University
  8. James Madison University
  9. George Mason University
  10. San Diego State University
  11. Marquette University

lol I just realized that I applied to 11 — not 10 (oops). So far I have been rejected from Boston University. I also have not finished my application for James Madison because I have to write 3 essays and I have only written one (kill me). But something cool about JMU is that the program is in Italy!!! Pretty sure the deadline is Feb 1 so I guess I know what I am doing tonight!

ADVICE???

So for anyone who has applied to grad school you know how recommendations work — basically three professors have had to log into each school individually and upload their recommendation for me, I am really grateful for it and really would like to thank them. Ideas for that? Like a gift card, coffee, idk what to do. Comment if you have any ideas (if anyone is reading this lol). 

Also plz wish me luck that I am not rejected to all 11 schools......

— XX RumpleRachel

credit situation

So you know that I am taking 19 credits this semester, let me give you a run down of what that really means for me.

So I am a double major and in order to graduate with both degrees (TWO DIPLOMAS!!) I needed 150 credits to graduate. I somehow fucked up my math and basically need to take like 5 more credits than I should be (that's 2 fucking classes).

But since I am a senior I was able to work it out so it's not the worst thing in the world.... 

Here's what's going on weekly:

Monday/Wednesday: Class 12:40-1:30 & 3:00-4:20

Tuesday/Thursday: No class

Friday: Class 10:20-11:10 & 12:40-2:00

Classes I am in right now:

  • IAH 202 (4 credits): Europe and the World
  • ISP 203 (3 credits): Global Change (online)
  • CSS 202 (2 credits): World of Turf (online)
  • ADV 225 (3 credits): Public Relations (online)
  • HDFS 414 (3 credits): Parenting (hybrid)
  • COM 375 (3 credits): Audience Response to Media Entertainment
  • KIN 101 (1 credit): Great Lakes Sailing
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Confused

Hi guys -

I am trying to connect with some likeminded people out there and I found a few that are almost identical to me.. I want to connect with them but it will not allow me to comment and it says "for members only" I thought I was a member? Am I supposed to be paying for something? Pretty confused here and could use some help. Also would love to connect with new people — add me I don't care who you are, unless you know me...then please stay away 

— XOXO RumpleRachel

i guess i should introduce myself..

HELLO READERS -

Okay so my alter ego when I drink is Rumple Rachel lol (yes like rumpleminz) — joke with my friends. So that is what I am going to call myself on this thing, just in case one day I want to run for office or some shit I would rather not be called out for all my bad things in my past. 

Here is some general background on me.

  • I attend Michigan State University and I am in my last semester here. I am taking 19 credits and I am extremely overwhelmed by it. 
  • I am 21 years old — turning 22 really soon (march)
  • I have a part-time job waitressing at a nice restaurant, however I am broke as hell (I pay for most things myself)
  • I love to travel, upcoming trips include; Utah, Italy, & Mexico 
  • I live with six girls from my sorority and most of these posts will likely be about them (really love to complain)
  • I have applied to 9/10 graduate schools (have one app to finish) and will hopefully be accepted to start graduate school in the fall 2018
  • I have a cute little dog — she is a 2 year old chiweenie
  • I truly am looking for support through this, I am not good at talking with therapists or anything like that and if you want to support me or be my friend, I welcome it 100%
  • I have been sexually assaulted and may post about it at some point, maybe I will tell my story
  • I had an ED in high school and am currently overweight, maybe you will read about that as well (I also still frequent my ED twitter and I suck)
  • I am from a very small town in NY 
  • I am EXTREMELY stubborn
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Panic Attack @ the Library

I honestly don't know wtf is going on in my life right now. It's life week 3 or 4 of school and somehow I have managed to miss (on purpose) 3 of my recitations. I am the dumbass who managed to kill themselves with 19 credits in my last semester of college though.. Also I waited until last minute to get my graduate school applications in - for some. And why do I even want to go to graduate school? Because I am too scared to actually try and do anything with my life? Because I am an idiot who has been cheating their way through school? How the hell will I survive if I ever make it into graduate school? Speaking of making it into graduate school....got my first rejection today!!! I honestly saw it coming but like once I saw it for real it really got to me. This week has been really weird for me. Honestly this entire semester so far. I feel nothing for my classes I really do not care about them idk. Today I went to 1/2 of my classes and I cried in the middle of it because I told my roommate about Boston University rejecting me and I got really upset because no-one seems to care about it or want to comfort me or really gives a fuck about me, I know I am a selfish human I just miss having the friends that I used to. My friends used to love me and always want to be around me and now they never invite me out, they do not care if I am going I have to make the effort.... I took a quiz that was 105 questions long today and it told me about myself and it said that I am 100% sadistic. What kind of person am I that that is what describes me? The worst part is, is that I know it's true — I put people down so much, usually in my head but you know those friends that when you say an opinion and they are just "oh, really?" yeah that's me. Anyways. Today I did not want to be around anyone, I wanted nothing to do with my roommates or my friends and so I took a nap at 8pm and my stupid roommate has to do her laundry so she came in through my room and then I decided that I would go to the library because I know I am behind in school and I love the library because I can just sit in a cubicle on the quiet side of the library and not have to talk to anyone and probably will not run into anyone because it is still the beginning of the year so no-one is really going there yet and it is a Wednesday and people like to go out on Wednesdays. So I go and I get nothing done for like an entire 2 and a half hours, I re-printed a syllabus with all my things I will owe this semester and legit that's all. I felt like I was not really myself today, there...but not really. Like I was watching a movie through someone else eyes or like I was dreaming. I ended up having to run out of the library because I started crying and couldn't breathe right. I sat in my car for so long — I reached out to a few people that I thought might get it...but they were busy. I need someone to talk to. I need help. I am having a really hard time and I really need someone.